Seeking solace in alcohol, is there anything we Brits do any better? I don't think so. I'm not hammered, just pleasantly toasted and the world seems slightly smoother at the edges. The healing power of shiraz is a wonderful thing. Given that this is ostensibly a blog about my attempts to find a job I probably shouldn't go on about the pleasures of drinking my way through my parents' booze, but it seemed like a good way to start this and wind up what has been another fairly uneventful day.
Applied for some more jobs, got some more rejections, and I'm now seriously consider taking a course in journalism. It's the field I'm aiming to get into and a few articles printed in The Japan Times doesn't seem to be cutting the mustard so far. Perhaps another bit of paper will help. We'll see.
I realised today just how tedious it is writing cover letters and application forms. Of course, everything is done online or by computer so the physical exertion is minimal, but by the time you get to the third or fourth one of the day you start to lose the will to live. I get tired of writing about how fantastic I am and why my skill set makes me a very strong candidate for the role of glorified office junior at Bendover and Takeit Inc. I know what I'm good at and I know what I'm crap at. Unfortunately, being able to drink a whole orchard's worth of Magners doesn't seem to be a quality that many companies are looking for in prospective employees. Anyway, in case any of the organisations I've applied to are reading this blog, here's what my cover letters really mean:
I am looking for a career that will challenge me and allow me to develop new skills = I want a job that gives me more money than I can possibly spend and the chance to finally master Minesweeper.
My experience, background and skills make me a very strong candidate for this position = I'm not thick, I'm employable and I can do all the basic shit that an office monkey needs to do, so just give me the fucking job.
I'm highly motivated and keen to pursue a career in this field = I'm spanking through my savings at a frightening rate of knots and will do pretty much anything as long as it doesn't involve prostitution or marketing. In fact, make that just anything to do with marketing.
I have excellent written and verbal communication skills = I can write and speak.
I have great interpersonal skills = I'm not a sociopath.
I have a good eye for detail = I love finding mistakes in other people's work.
I look forward to hearing from you and thank you for taking the time to consider my application = Please, please, please just give me a job.
In the spirit of my brief anti-marketing remarks, enjoy the sorely-missed Bill Hicks in full flow:
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